For the primary resident parent going back to school likely means little will change in the relationship with their children. But for a parent who does not live with their children all the time settling into a school routine can be tough. Deborah Moskovitch, author of The Smart Divorce, has recently contributed an article to the Huffington Post with suggestions on how parents can maintain their involvement in their children’s lives.
“Make A Family Calendar:
Hang it wherever the children will see it, to show that you care. Make your children see that their lives are important to you and that they are your priority.
On the family calendar, list:
- Birthdates
- School schedules
- Other dates, such as dental appointments, dance recitals, sports games, and so on.
Establish Rules Such As The Following:
- Each parent must order his or her own tickets for children’s events.
- Each parent must make his or her own arrangements at school to get information. It is not up to your former spouse to do those things or provide information for you. It’s up to you to take the initiative.
- Don’t make your son or daughter into the man or woman of the house.
- Don’t turn your son or daughter into your best friend and confidant.
- Don’t fill the void in your bed by allowing your child to sleep there. If you eventually start a relationship and no longer allow your child into your bed because you are sharing it with someone else, the child could feel displaced.
If You Are The Noncustodial Parent, Here Are Some Ideas To Help You Maintain A Positive Relationship With Your Children:
- Some schools allow children to leave the grounds for lunch; you may be able to take them out to lunch without affecting your co-parent’s time.
- As much as you can, duplicate at your home the little things that your kids love at the custodial parent’s home–things like special Barbie dolls, books, and so on. Send out the message that you care. Duplicating items will remove the stress children may feel about taking their favorite things to the other parent’s home or about forgetting to bring them (but keep in mind that some items, like the favorite blanket or stuffed animal, can’t be duplicated).
Remember, your children still have two parents. They still have a family. It’s the dynamics that have changed and it’s up to parents to minimize the conflict and make transition as easy as possible.”
